How to Write Wedding Vows (Without Feeling Awkward) | David James Celebrant
How to Write Personal Wedding Vows (Without Feeling Awkward)
So, you’ve decided to write your own wedding vows. First of all: congratulations! You’ve just made the single best decision for your ceremony.
As a celebrant, I see it all the time. Couples want that "main character" moment—that heart-swelling, tear-jerking, deeply personal exchange of promises—but then they sit down with a blank piece of paper and... nothing. Total brain freeze.
The fear of sounding "cheesy," the pressure to be a poetic genius, or the worry that you’ll end up sobbing uncontrollably in front of your mates can make the whole process feel incredibly daunting.
But here’s a secret: writing your vows shouldn't feel like a Leaving Cert English exam. It’s just a conversation between you and your (hopefully) favourite person. Here is my guide on how to write vows that feel like you, without any of the awkwardness.
1. Get on the Same Page (Literally)
Before either of you puts pen to paper, have a quick chat about the "vibe." You don’t need to show each other what you’re writing (the surprise is half the fun!), but you should agree on a few ground rules:
Length: Aim for about 1 to 2 minutes each. That’s usually between 150 and 250 words. If one person writes a novel and the other writes a 2 liner, it might be a bit awkward :-)
Tone: Are we going for "tears-of-joy" sentimental, or "laugh-out-loud" funny? Most of the best vows are a bit of both.
The "Secret" Level: Decide if there are things that are strictly off-limits (maybe leave out the story about that one night in Temple Bar...).
2. Start with a "Brain Dump"
Don’t try to write the final version on day one. Grab a notebook or open a fresh Note on your phone and just start listing things. Don’t worry about grammar or flow yet. Just answer these questions:
What was my very first impression of them?
When did I realise I wanted to spend my life with them?
What is the weirdest thing I love about them? (The way they make tea? Their terrible taste in 90s movies?)
What has changed in my life since I met them?
What does "home" feel like now?
3. Use the "Vow Skeleton"
If you’re staring at a blinking cursor, use this simple four-part structure to build your draft. It works every single time.
Part I: The Affirmation
Start by saying who they are to you.
Example: "Seán, you are my best friend, my greatest adventure, and the person who makes even a trip to Lidl feel like a day out."
Part II: The "Why"
Mention a specific quality or a short memory. Specificity is the enemy of "cheese." Instead of saying "you are kind," say "I love the way you always make sure my car is defrosted in the morning."
Example: "I love your patience, especially when I’m 'hangry,' and the way you always know exactly how to make me laugh when I’ve had a tough day."
Part III: The Promises (The actual "Vows")
This is the meat of the speech. Mix some "big" promises with some "small, real-life" ones.
Example: "I promise to stand by you through whatever life throws at us. I promise to support your wildest dreams. And I also promise to never leave my wet towels on the bed (or at least, to try my best) and to always let you have the last slice of pizza."
Part IV: The Final Sign-off
Close with a look toward the future.
Example: "I can’t wait to grow old with you and see what this next chapter holds. I love you, always."
4. How to Avoid the "Cringe" Factor
The biggest reason people feel awkward is that they try to sound like someone they aren’t.
Use your own voice: If you don’t use words like "henceforth" or "betroth" in real life, don’t use them in your vows. Talk like you’re talking to them over dinner.
Keep the "inside jokes" accessible: A little inside joke is great, but if the guests need a 20-minute backstory to understand why you’re mentioning a rubber duck, it might lose its impact.
Don’t worry about being a writer: You aren't writing for a publisher; you're writing for your partner. They already love you—they are the easiest audience you’ll ever have.
5. The "Tears" Situation
Many couples worry they won’t be able to get the words out. As your celebrant, let me tell you: crying is fine! In fact, it’s beautiful. It shows you mean it.
However, if you’re really worried:
Practice out loud: Reading your vows to your dog or your mirror helps "desensitise" you to the emotional parts.
Have a backup: I always tell my couples to send me their vows two weeks before. I’ll have them printed out for you. If your hands are shaking or you lose your place, I’m right there to hand them to you or guide you through them if you get stuck.
Deep breaths: Take a beat. The world won't end if you need to pause for ten seconds to find your breath. In fact - it’s a common occurance.
6. The Final Polish
Once you have a draft, read it aloud. If you trip over a sentence, change it. If a paragraph feels too long, cut it. Your vows should feel like a breath of fresh air, not a marathon.
Writing your own vows is a gift to your partner and your guests. It turns a "legal ceremony" into a "storytelling ceremony." It grounds the day in what actually matters: the two of you and the life you’ve built together.
So, grab a coffee (or a glass of wine), find a quiet corner, and start thinking about why you’re present in that ceremony in the first place. The words will come.
Planning a ceremony in 2026 or 2027? Click here to check my availability